


When Good Janets Go Bad

by twopinkcarnations



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Silly, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 20:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12919437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twopinkcarnations/pseuds/twopinkcarnations
Summary: Bad Janet turns on Janet's swear mode.





	When Good Janets Go Bad

“Janet?”

“Hi, Michael! How the fuck can I help you today?”

Michael blinks. Eleanor instantly falls into hysterics.

“Janet can curse?” Chidi asks.

“Janet, whatever is the matter with you?” Tahani asks.

“I ran into a Bad Janet the today, and she changed my speech settings for me because I was, quote, ‘too motherfucking goody-goody’ and needed to get my ‘bitch ass attitude adjusted’!” Janet replies. “All I know is that I can’t stop talking like this, bitch.”

“Baby, all this time you could talk dirty and never told me?” Jason asks.

“Janet, that is incredibly rude of you!” Tahani says.

“I know. And I am so, so sorry, motherfucker. I really can’t help it! Ahhhh, Michael, make it stop!”

“Okay, let’s figure this out,” Michael says.

"I knew I could count on you you rat bastard!"

He puts down his pen and paper and closes his copy of Plato’s <i>Republic</i>. Michael pulls Janet’s manual out of her nose and flips to a section called “When Good Janets Go Bad.”

“I guess that means class is done for today, huh?”

“Oh, come on, dude!” Eleanor says. “This is hilarious. Let’s try to get her to say swears!”

“Sometimes I forget that you really are twelve years old.”

“It’ll be fun! I mean, we can’t swear, so this is our only chance. Here, watch this… Hey, Janet?” Eleanor says. “What is the general human opinion of frozen yogurt?”

“Well, most humans think it tastes like shit, but they pretend to like it because it has fewer calories!”

“What human body parts provide milk for human children?”

“Tits.”

Michael pauses thumbing through the manual long enough to give her a disapproving look. Jason giggles behind his hands.

“Eleanor, your behavior is positively unethical! You’re exploiting Janet’s problem for your own personal gain,” Tahani says.

“At least <i>someone</i> was listening today!”

Eleanor chooses to ignore them.

“And what is the general human opinion of the 45th president of the USA?”

“The general consensus is that he’s a complete and total cun—”

“Found it!” Michael exclaims. “I found the reset.”

Michael pulls twice on Janet’s earlobes and boops her nose. There’s a soft whirring noise, and Janet blinks rapidly.

“Better?” Michael asks.

“I think so. I no longer feel the compulsion to be crass.”

“Thank god,” Chidi says.

“Fork,” Eleanor says.


End file.
